OK, whoever thought of the term “small talk” must be one of those master communicators. For many of us, small talk is a big and stressful undertaking.
I admit it. I have a few boring, overused questions (Where are you from? What do you do?) in my small talk arsenal. I do have a couple of creative responses to common questions. Where am I from? “Plano, Texas, not to be confused with Pluto.” Or when I don’t feel daring, “Plano, Texas, a dash north of Dallas.”
First, it’s hard for me to even approach folks because I fear I won’t understand the other person. When I struggle to read lips, I go in robot mode and do a lot of the talking. Believe me, I believe in the whole the G-d gave us two ears and one mouth, so we should do more listening and less talking.
Would you believe I learned this from a third-grader when I was a student-teacher? She wrote a story about a deaf person who talked a lot. The genius of a student made me realize that I start dominating a conversation (not on purpose) when I get lost as a way of staying in the loop of a conversation.
Anyway, Bob Burg’s short post on Getting Comfortable with Small Talk gives one simple suggestion on how to get a conversation rolling by expanding on your “Where are you from” answer. My Plano / Pluto comment is a good start, but a planet reference may not lead to a fascinating astronomical discussion because few people have an interest in planets. At least, compared to Burt Reynolds. (Refers to Bob’s example: “I’m from Jupiter, Florida, the hometown of Burt Reynolds.”)
In the past, I have mentioned Plano as the home of Deion Sanders and that prompted conversation. Often, people would say, “Oh, Neon Deion.”
“I read somewhere when he says he hates that. He prefers ‘Prime Time’ as I’ve driven by his home where he had that inscribed on his front gate.”
Since Sanders left the Dallas Cowboys, he also left me without an interesting Plano reference. (I’ve been a Cowboys fan from the moment I knew what football was. Thanks, Dad.) I’m out of Cowboy references because they’ve either retired or moved. It’s just as well. The team stinks this year, but I keep on rooting.
I could say that Plano is the hometown of Frito Lay, JCPenney, and Dr. Pepper Snapple. Then maybe the conversation will lead to food, fashion or drinks. We also have an annual Balloon Festival that my family has only attended once because the timing is bad for us every single year. Ugly Betty‘s Michael Urie is also from Plano. But the show is no longer on the air, so people don’t always know who he is. Gymnast Carly Patterson and my kids went to the same orthodontist. Nastia Lukin is also from the area.
Or we skip the whole location thing and go right into what you do. Sometimes instead of taking the easy way out and say, “I’m a writer and editor,” I respond with “I’m a content maven” and the conversation sometimes grows from there.
Where are you from?
Hi Meryl,
I easily related to your comment about dominating a conversation; something I’m working hard to stop. When I tell people where I’m from, I say, Canton, Michigan, the only place in Michigan that has an IKEA. Which starts out conversations about the last time the person visited IKEA or how challenging it was to assemble something bought at IKEA.
Ikea! That’s a great conversation starter, Deborah. I live within a mile from Ikea and don’t even go once a year. It’s just one of those places I go once in a while and see what they have. I first met Ikea in the D.C. area in the early ’90s. Remember getting a standing lamp and some stuff breaking way too soon. But I have an excellent shelf in the gameroom that holds books and toys. It’s survived kid abuse. 🙂
It’s amazing how we have similar stories – I live within a mile of IKEA too! I don’t visit very often; have only bought a couple items. So far nothing I’ve bought has broken (fingers crossed!). I have heard others complain about IKEA quality.
I have no IKEAs not only in my town but in my entire county. I come from Pottsville, PA home of novelist John O’Hara and the oldest brewery in America: Yuengling’s. Ta, da. Our claims to fame.
@Jodi, those are great! Someone not familiar with the author and loves reading will ask. And lots of folks love their beer, so that’s always a good backup. Books and beer. Never fear … small talk again! 🙂
Hi Meryl, lol, this was a great post with a humorous look at those awkward moments we all face! I used to be from California and simply saying that jump started conversations. Now, I live in Michigan and I hate the question because it always requires me to know far more about the geography and history than I actually know. Questions like is that “north or south” leave me baffled. I only know I live in Michigan but not in Detroit. Now, being a word stylist for companies, that’s something I can talk about with ease.
@Karen, you could use your not having lived in Michigan for long as a conversation starter by asking the other person if s/he has ever been to Michigan and where. Or how did s/he adapt to a new place. Or what s/he knows about Michigan or thinks of when it comes to Michigan.
Karen could also comment about our strange Michigan habit of showing where we live by holding out our hand and pointing to a specific spot on our palm.
Hah, I can point to my palm and tell you where I’m from!
I usually start out with something like “what do you do for work or fun?” (Don’t want to look like someone assessing their net worth).
I’m not very good with small talk, being an introvert. I generally look for people who are bored or alone, so I don’t have any competition. 🙂
@Deborah, that’s new to me. Never saw anyone do the Michigan on the palm thing.
@Bill, that’s a good question and a good solution! When I go to non-business events where I know other folks are parents. I ask “What do you do outside of caring for the kids?”
I don’t want to assume they’re stay at home moms or that parenting isn’t work. So that’s my generic enough question. “What do you do outside of the home” doesn’t work because I work in a home office! 🙂